Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
