oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
