I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
