nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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