My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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