If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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