I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
