i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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