My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize