the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
