White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
