I heard we made out
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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