all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
