You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
