whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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