don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
