I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need to align my fucking chakras
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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