Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
