Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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