so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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