i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
