After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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