I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
