I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize