How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
