All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
