I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize