she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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