in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
