STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
