Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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