I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
