Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
