Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
