Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
