probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
