I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
