I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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