My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His hands were made for my vagina.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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