I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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