Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
