I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
