Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Reggie can tackle my bush.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
