Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
