she woke up with a sticky ear
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
