Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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