I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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