When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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