I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
