my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
