I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
