i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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