you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
