Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
