Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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