one two three fourrrrnication!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
