My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
