My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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