PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
