Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
