There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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