Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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