I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
