Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
