I think I died a long time ago.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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