Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
