yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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