She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
