He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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