Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
