how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
