Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
