I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize