now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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