in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
