Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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