I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
