Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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