your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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