it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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