If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
