dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
