dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
