she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
