I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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